Monday, August 10, 2009

Food For A Hungry Actors' Soul


Saturday I arrived at my early morning Audition Tech. Class wishing I had more energy. It didn't take long before scripts were handed out, the work was taped and we were ready for the playbacks. I felt sorry for all of us as I sat on the green slick sofa, each waiting on our turn. The respected Casting Director began her critique. I nodded each time I agreed with her. She paused the screen to talk about the actors work that had just played. The glaring face on the paused screen was mine. I was next. Play was pushed. My heart was pounding as I prayed silently, "Jesus help me accecpt her words as part of my growth." Pause was pushed, all stared at me. "Kay, what do you think?," came from her tough cigarrette raspy voice. I have to answer, there's nothing I can do about it. "Well, I'm not blinking as much," I answer. She booms out, "Well I would upload that to the producers without any hesitation! Good work Kay!" Play started on the next actors' clip. Now my prayer is, "God help me no to cry." Tears suppressed, I feel as if I were just fed a delicious delicacy. I normally come from a place with a padlock on the pantry. I continue to sit on the green sofa, ankels crossed, posture erect, mind racing, tears supressed trying not to twist things around in my mind. Just remember the tasty words.

After class, I drove over Austin's loopy freeways to a singing class I signed up for on a whim. I've always sang. It's just natural for me. Mostly I sing for myself. Lately I've noticed as I share my voice I'm feeling more confident. Once I put 'singing' on my resume' I'd better have some things on hand to sing!

Adreinne was 50ish, bare footed and full of energy I craved. Her voice began to buzz like flies that wouldn't land. "Follow me, sing this note, make this sound", she began to move vocally as well as squating into plie's. I followed, mocking her sounds and moves, as instructed. Concentrating, actively involved in the 'Simon Says' game, when she stops, turns, head tilted, hands on hips, says, "You have perfect pitch!"

God has entered the room, looked right through me as my tears are flowing this time. "Are you crying because you've never been told that before? Is this your first affirmation? But surely you know this.", her words spilling out, feeding me more. I'm a very hungry soul being fed 'stick-to-your-ribs' meals today!

Then she asked me to sing the jazz song I brought to work on. I do. "What else do you sing?", she asked. I uncomfortably admit, "Well, with my guitar, I sound more like Loretta Lynn." "Ah,Ha! You already have your own style! A jazz-country mix, that's very unique! What a gift you've been given," I'm hearing her say. I continue to devour this meal being served. I have to stop scarfing this! I should try to cut it up in small divided cubes, eat it slowly, take it in, feel the calories filling my emotions, entering my hearts bloodstream, undiluted, making me high! I'm no longer in the room with the locked out food supply. Hunger will not dominate my every moment . I am full, I'm fed with the mana from God! Thank you Lord!