FROZEN - IF

My computer keeps "freezing" up!!!! I found this old airbrushed illo. for this weeks submission. Hopefully if I unsubscribe to ads (which seem to be the culpruit), I'll be freed up! Stay Cool!

Flying

After FLYING in last week it seems all I've done is to continue to FLY around. Getting settled back in after a long vacation. Laundry, e-mails answered, bills paid, last minute auditions, on and on. I don't know quiet what to do with myself. I remembered this old 'airbrushed' illustration I did many years ago. The boy dreaming of flying made me feel peaceful again.

Patterns & Methods

This watercolor is from a romance novel I painted several years ago. I had so much freedom with this piece. Would I choose watercolor, airbrush, or pastel. For this piece I decided on watercolor. Very much like acting choices. Will I choose The Method, Misner's Technique or pattern a dozen physical quirks to find my way in ? Pick up a small piece of something there, open up an emotion here, I have such freedom! So many patterns and methods!

Breaking Barriers

Broke through a barrier yesterday! I had prepared for a crying scene audition for 5 days. Yesterday I had to deliver. I wasn't exactly sure if I could pull up what I needed to get to 'the place'. I think I did pretty great! I didn't quite get to the sobbing level I acheived in rehearsal, but overall it was really good. The way in for me was a song. I went in to the hallway. The waiting area was busy and distracting. Once by myself I started to sing softly "Because HE Lives". I can never get to the "I can face the future" part before the words are stuck in my throat. That song along with preparation, preparation, preparation, so much dialog!!! I think I reached a new level of artistic excellence. When I was called in everything was right there, at the ready. Kim Bassinger says, "As an actress, you have to come to a point of jumping over your fears and going through the glass doors." Yes, I walked right through to the other side.

Awesome things are happening! I've had 4 auditions in 6 days! The journey on the Texas Highways has been rainy but inspiring! I bought the Bible on tape by Gregory Peck. I'm driving , then all of a sudden I'm Scout sitting on the porch swing with Atticus teaching me how to wear the armor of God. Very cool! The sun peeks out every now and then; Just long enough to see a poodle with a ball on it's nose in the clouds, or is that a bear? My first stop on Wed. is the Palormar Hotel in Dallas for a film about Texans in a Texaco ex-pat compound in Trinidad. My character is unhappy and aloof. I think I did great! We'll see. Next day, Thursday, to Arlington where I revealed a lot of things about myself (on tape even) I usually keep private. But it was very freeing! I think I feel better. Friday was a free day in Dallas just strolling and taking in the sights. Saturday was a very Texan baby shower. So many characters, Even got a hair-do for my Texas Secretary character I'll use on Monday. Sunday with Del Shores, "Daddy's Dyin Who's Got The Will?" and "Sordid Lives". WOW !!! Great stuff. Wonderful experience. Drove home on Sunday evening in the gray rain, gray sky and gray road. Definitely need new contacts soon! Today I went to Austin for a "Friday Night Lights" audition. I sure felt like I naled it, I hope so.

Staying in this evening and catching up on home life. Life is good!

Magnified Pale

September first is magnified in Texas. It's when the air holds the warmth of the summers heat into the afternoons sunlight. Every color turnes into a shade of pale gray. All lonely things are magnified now. There have been no auditions for me since July 7th. I think of Jesus, He knows my thoughts and keeps me from fading away. I don't want to know the future anymore. I only want to erase the soft decay of my dreams, draining the purpose from the marrow of my bones. It's unspoken hope, magnified.

Food For A Hungry Actors' Soul

Saturday I arrived at my early morning Audition Tech. Class wishing I had more energy. It didn't take long before scripts were handed out, the work was taped and we were ready for the playbacks. I felt sorry for all of us as I sat on the green slick sofa, each waiting on our turn. The respected Casting Director began her critique. I nodded each time I agreed with her. She paused the screen to talk about the actors work that had just played. The glaring face on the paused screen was mine. I was next. Play was pushed. My heart was pounding as I prayed silently, "Jesus help me accecpt her words as part of my growth." Pause was pushed, all stared at me. "Kay, what do you think?," came from her tough cigarrette raspy voice. I have to answer, there's nothing I can do about it. "Well, I'm not blinking as much," I answer. She booms out, "Well I would upload that to the producers without any hesitation! Good work Kay!" Play started on the next actors' clip. Now my prayer is, "God help me no to cry." Tears suppressed, I feel as if I were just fed a delicious delicacy. I normally come from a place with a padlock on the pantry. I continue to sit on the green sofa, ankels crossed, posture erect, mind racing, tears supressed trying not to twist things around in my mind. Just remember the tasty words.

After class, I drove over Austin's loopy freeways to a singing class I signed up for on a whim. I've always sang. It's just natural for me. Mostly I sing for myself. Lately I've noticed as I share my voice I'm feeling more confident. Once I put 'singing' on my resume' I'd better have some things on hand to sing!

Adreinne was 50ish, bare footed and full of energy I craved. Her voice began to buzz like flies that wouldn't land. "Follow me, sing this note, make this sound", she began to move vocally as well as squating into plie's. I followed, mocking her sounds and moves, as instructed. Concentrating, actively involved in the 'Simon Says' game, when she stops, turns, head tilted, hands on hips, says, "You have perfect pitch!"

God has entered the room, looked right through me as my tears are flowing this time. "Are you crying because you've never been told that before? Is this your first affirmation? But surely you know this.", her words spilling out, feeding me more. I'm a very hungry soul being fed 'stick-to-your-ribs' meals today!

Then she asked me to sing the jazz song I brought to work on. I do. "What else do you sing?", she asked. I uncomfortably admit, "Well, with my guitar, I sound more like Loretta Lynn." "Ah,Ha! You already have your own style! A jazz-country mix, that's very unique! What a gift you've been given," I'm hearing her say. I continue to devour this meal being served. I have to stop scarfing this! I should try to cut it up in small divided cubes, eat it slowly, take it in, feel the calories filling my emotions, entering my hearts bloodstream, undiluted, making me high! I'm no longer in the room with the locked out food supply. Hunger will not dominate my every moment . I am full, I'm fed with the mana from God! Thank you Lord!